Radio Influence

Very occasionally, I was allowed to go to the broadcast of one of KMA’s shows. This was a radio station in Shenandoah. The company had a big theater like the ones in big cities with ornate ceilings, and balconies, and gargoyles. It was “the deal” for certain! The radio people performed on stage in this theater. They had live talent every day. On Saturday afternoon, the talent all performed on the stage for the Old Time Country School Hour. This was show business! This was like Hollywood! This was the epitome of high class.

We bought tickets and went through heavy doors to the darkened theater. A fairyland! Stars in the sky, castles, statues, soft music. Instead of a stage curtain, there was a huge sheet of glass separating us from the performers. And there they were, shambling into the stage area in their everyday clothes. I thought they’d wear formals and fancy suits, but they wore dresses and pants and shirts like every other day on the street.

We were seated by an usher who told us to clap loudly when signaled to.

And when we heard his voice, we knew this was Warren Neilson, the announcer on the radio. Yes! He himself was seating us! Then he went up on stage to the big KMA microphone in the center stage and said, “Good afternoon, friends. We welcome you to the Good Old Country School Hour on KMA Radio. To all our friends out there in radioland, and all our friends right here in the studio, sit back and relax and enjoy our Old Time Country School!” (We were signaled to clap!) Oh, how we did! I was proud to be a member of the studio audience, and wanted to make ourselves known to the listeners “out there.”

Warren Neilson was the announcer for the show and he stood at the microphone and read off the line up. First to sing were Parker Parks and Nancy Smith. The accompanist was Mrs. Henry Holcome. After a short introduction by Mrs. Holcome, the duo sang “Whispering Hope.” I knew this song from singing it at school, and sang (real softly) along with them. Some members of the audience gave me nasty looks, but I kinda thought it was because they probably didn’t know the words like I did. We clapped for them really hard when they quit.

Next a man with an accordion, one with a guitar, and one with a fiddle played “Blue Eyes Cryin’ in the Rain.” I knew that one as well, and sang along. Then they accompanied our own Guy Miller who sang “Mairzy Doats.” We really clapped for him. This was our favorite all time song.

There was banter between Warren and the “gang.” I was surprised that the banter was written out on cards for them and the actors had to rise from their folding chairs and come to the microphone to deliver their funny lines. The jokes were about dipping the pigtails of the girls in the ink wells, mostly. None of the girls had pigtails I noticed. There were jokes about thumb tacks on the teacher’s chair. We laughed and clapped although it wasn’t very funny.

Then there were commercials. Warren stood at the microphone and talked about Nutrena Chicken feed, and he read this off a paper. I thought in the past the people just knew about the feed and spoke their experiences of it to the audience. I was surprised they needed prompting. Still he did a nice job and the gang sang:

Feed your chick Nutrena! Nutrena!

The best feed that money can buy!

Feed your hens Nutrena, Nutrena!

Just listen, and I’ll tell you why!

Hens and chickens will love it!

Just watch ‘em grow,

They will eat so much of it that you’ll always know

Feed your chicks Nutrena, Nutrena

The best feed that money can buy!

We all sang along with this because we heard it many times a day on KMA Radio. Later Warren suddenly asked, “Say are you suffering from liver trouble? If you are one of the millions out there who do, have you tried Carter’s Little Liver Pills? If not try them right away and get relief from all your liver complaints!”

And then there was trouble on stage. One of the singers in the barber shop quartet fell off his chair, and alit heavily on the floor. His mates pushed back their chairs and tried to grab him under his arms and lift him back to his chair, but he was flailing and mumbling. Warren was signaling the gang to get him outta here! He was slippery and combative. We thought it was part of the high jinks that we should be laughing with. At last they caught him under his arms and pulled him off stage his big shoes bouncing backwards last of all. We heard no more about him, but expected any moment to get in on the joke. Later at home, the folks said that this tenor was an epileptic, and it was no surprise to them that he had one of his spells.

Silly Sven then sang “I Tink I Get Ved in Yuly” in Swedish accent. We laughed and clapped. Later he stood and sang about the purdiest girl he ever saw was drinking soda through a straw. My he was good! A laugh a minute, that guy!

Alice and Eva sang some sad songs about children dying in the cold snow, and lost loves, and dying wishes. Alice’s slip showed pretty bad. Eva looked better groomed and younger, but she wore waay to much make up. They bobbed their heads to the music and harmonized. I think they were sisters.

Warren Neilson gave the weather report and then started a dialogue between himself and the actors around him asking questions like a teacher might, and the “children” came up to the mike and delivered their wildly funny lines as school pupils might. This was not very funny, but by now I understood this was show business.

I was really disappointed to see that the stars all read their country school skit lines from cards they held. They stepped up to the mike in a row to read the funny conversations with Warren, one at a time, and then without emotion showing in their acting, they dropped back to allow the next actor up to the microphone. Still it was funny and we clapped.

A special feature was next, Warren told us. “Miss Velma Adkins, will perform her contortions and gymnastic skills to the recorded music of ‘God Bless America!’” We knew Velma, and had seen her perform in parades and the county fair. She stepped out onto the stage bare foot, with brown shorts and a white blouse. Her hair was long and loose. The music started and we could see Warren speaking quietly into the microphone, while Velma tiptoed around the stage. She flung herself backward into a back bend and slid into a splits. Then she tiptoed some more and flung herself forward and did two cartwheels and a flip clear off the floor. The performers on stage clapped and hollered, so we did too. Velma stood on her hands, and walked around the stage, and stood on a wooden chair and back bent over onto her hands and did a handstand there. She took a handkerchief out of her pocket and flipped it about so we all could see it was a simple hanky which she put on the floor. She again bent her back and picked up the hanky behind her, and while she was down there she looked at us from behind her legs with the handkerchief between her teeth. She got back to standing and caught up her left leg and held it above her head, then her right leg. We were aghast! At last she flung out her arms and took a huge bow and we clapped again.

Next was spiritual time, and Warren announced the listeners had requested Ivan to sing “In The Garden.” We clapped again and Warren said over our clapping, “So long all you listening in today and to you in our studio audience, thank you for being our guests, and goodbye until next week. Good night!”

We filed out into the hot sunshine knowing we’d just seen a real show but we were more convinced than ever that this was the best show EVER!

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